Here we go then.

[David Steele]

Eek - Maintenance!

I've just realised that this is me. That sneaked up on me pretty quickly, but since my target weight is only 10 lb away, I suppose I need to start "doing some carbs".

I've made a start already. I had donuts for breakfast and now I'm munching on a chocolate bar. Am I doing this right?

Seriously though, I do't get it. I enjoyed being in ketosis, and weeing onto those little strips. Can't I just keep going until I just stop losing weight any way? I'm sure I wouldn't wast away....

I'll go home and read up on this, but I just wondered what you thunk?

[Tril]

Most, if not all, people can lose weight. Very few can maintain it. It's exciting when you're losing. New body, new clothes... people are telling you that you look GREAT, lots of positive attention. And then... what? The party is over. People stop mentioning your weight loss. No one seems to notice that OMG, YOU'RE THIN. They accept the new slim you as your "normal" state. But if you've ever been obese, thin never feels normal. I know for me, I felt adrift... like I didn't BELONG. I didn't belong in any peer group OR in my body. I still gravitated to the overweight women in a room because that's where I was comfortable... they were "my people". But I wasn't always welcome there. I often got "oh, you wouldn't understand" or they simply distanced themselve from me, didn't include me in their circle. I get that. I know as an overweight woman, in a group of other overweight women, that when/if a "skinny b@#$" tried to get chummy, we didn't allow it. We didn't TRUST her. So... the other choice was to try to make friends with thin women. OH, what an awful experience that was. I have NOTHING in common with naturally thin women. I don't think like them. I don't feel like them. I don't see the world like them. I just never got to the point where I could say to myself OUT LOUD, "Give me a hunk of that cake... I'll run an extra five miles tonight." I also felt almost traumatized by the nasty dialogue I would often be included in... in regards to overweight women. Vicious comments... I mean, REALLY??? You believe that??? So where do I fit in? I don't. Well, I do now, since I've regained about 40 pounds. Now I'm accepted by my peeps again. Acceptance is a glorious thing for a human being.

As a man, you may not ever experience anything like this. But there's probably something similar that happens to guys. Seems there's the men who watch sports... and the men who play sports. Good luck finding a team. LOL

What to do about maintenance? Forget about the food. You know how to eat. Eating for maintenance is the easy part. Focus on your mind, on your feelings, on the HEAD stuff. If you're going to live life thin, it takes a mental adjustment. Don't ignore that part. Prepare for it.

What will you do, who will you be, when the rest of world sees you as "just another man"... and the excitement of the weight loss is long forgotten?

Figure THAT out... and you'll be one of the 5% of the population who will maintain their weight loss.

Tril

[David Steele]

*stunned silence.

Thank you for that.

I'm going home to think.

[Tril]

Didn't mean to scare you. LOL I feel very strongly that this is the missing part of the equation we call maintenance. We need to learn how to funtion as thin people. You'd think it would be easy... because living fat sure is HARD. You know how overweight people will sometime say there's a skinny person in me trying to get out? Well, I found the opposite to be true, as well. Some how... some way... the two must be reconciled.

I don't think you can "do" maintenance the way you "do" weight loss. It's a different mindset. The goals and the methods are different. It can be done, but it probably takes more work "in your head" than it took to get to your weight loss goal.

I hope you stick around and go through the process here... I'm sure it would help SO many people. You're a wonderful writer and you don't hold punches. I look forward to sharing your maintenance journey!

[benshad61]

WOW Tril! That was "mind-blowing" and how well-put! I certainly understand what you are saying and when I am overweight, people love to comment on it and the comments are indeed NASTY and you can see the little curl of the lips, knowing they have offended me to my very core and maybe, just maybe I will go inside and eat that big piece of cheesecake which has been beckoning me every time I open the refrigerator!

When the thinner version of me has opened the front door and appeared in all my skinny wonder, these same women seem to be at a loss for words. Goodness knows, to befriend me when they now KNOW I have done something for ME and feel GOOD about myself, would definitely embarrass them.

I have been on that diet "roller coaster" for a very long time and it is so true that you definitely have to change your beliefs about yourself. Once you have had success in losing the weight, now you must train your mind to make the right choices every day or that smaller body will balloon up again. It is a daily process for the rest of your life.

Do COME BACK David as Tril has asked. You do write so very well and you have been such a "success story" here. I will definitely continue to look forward to your posts and your continued success!!

WAY TO GO!!!!!!

[FlorayG]

Eek - Maintenance!

I've made a start already. I had donuts for breakfast and now I'm munching on a chocolate bar. Am I doing this right?

You're trolling, right? This is just a windup. please tell me it is. I can't believe you did all that research and reading and now you just want to let go and have all that junk kill you in the end?
PS it's spelled 'doughnut'

[Tril]

"PS it's spelled 'doughnut' "

Not if you go to Dunkin' Donuts for your doughnuts. Then they're spelled "donut". And he was kidding.

[FlorayG]

PPS it's spelled 'Dunking' :wink:

[Tril]

https://www.dunkindonuts.com/

[David Steele]

That's right, ladies - concentrate on the stuff that REALLY matters! Chuckle!

Right. Time for a little sharing. Earlier in the year I attended a series of counselling sessions because I was suffering from work related stress, anxiety and a whole bunch of other issues that afffects quite a lot of people from time to time. I've not been shy about this at work, or with my family /friends, so I don't mind being public with this too.

For the record, I'd like to say that taking the move to call the helpline (fortunately provided by my employer) and make an appointment to see a trained counsellor was quite simply the best move I've ever made. I genuinely believe that every (man?) over 40 should consider it.

One of the really great things about the sessions was that it gave me a chance to look at my own thought processes and get to the bottom of the things that motivate me. (The need for approval / acceptance / praise /the desire to "rescue" people) All of these can be easilly demonstrated in my long history of blogging, artwork, music creation, story writing, etc etc. So, when I started getting positive feedback from people about my weight, I recognised that the "needy" part of myself was being "fed" again.

So - yes. This (for me) is an exceptionally valid point. The future I face is one of eating all the right things, and NOT eating all the lovely comfort foods - but NOT having a weekly weight loss to validate my efforts and make me feel special.

Wow. That's a big deal. All that work, and no ego trip.

So, today I was driving home from the gym, adter a really hard work out on the weights. and my inner dialogue went something like this - "that was a fantastic session. I was bionic! I bet in three or four months I could really bulk up my arms and look fantastic. Maybe even start working on that six pack...." And then my mind played a Baywatch movie of me running down the beach, complete with red surf board...

You can see what I was doing, right? Displacement? Swapping one goal for another. Still giving myself a reason to feel special. Somethng to aim for. A reason to feel better in the future than I do today.

Oops.

My mission is simple. I've got to learn (at some point) to be happy with myself. To stop trying to justify myself by personal triumph and just "be."

That's going to be a much harder struggle for me than shedding a few pounds. Stick around, gang. The ride will be bumpy

[Tril]

Tightening my seatbelt. I wanna be here when the dust settles.

[benshad61]

" The healthy, the strong individual, is the one who asks for help when he needs it. Whether he has an abscess on his knee or in his soul." Rona Barrett

WOW David, Good for you being able to share things that most people tuck away for fear of rejection. It takes courage, especially for a young man to express openly some of the pains that weighed you down and to seek help so you could move on with your life. This is the kind of courage that matters and gets you from one moment to the next in life.

I have read many of the entries in your blogs and you are a very gifted writer. It is wonderful to be able to express oneself in writing, art, music and let your creative side shine brightly.

I suffered several years ago from depression and sought help for it as well. Like you, I devoted my days to things that would make me feel better about myself - cross stitching beautiful pieces both for my own home and to give as gifts to others. I wrote poetry, I still do. Lots of comfort in that. I played the piano. However, when one is depressed, we fail to see the "self worth" and the negative outweighs the positive by a country mile! Only through counseling and going deeply within myself was I able to start seeing the beauty that was within me and it was a long and difficult process. I work on it every day. I often used humour to hide how I was really feeling inside. I think you do that also! What I did learn from the whole experience was to take one day at a time and try to replace any negative thinking with positive thinking, to realize that happiness, fulfillment, worthiness, achievements, big or miniscule, reap positive results-----enthusiasm, a sense of calm, well-being, more energy. Negative thoughts on the other hand ----unworthiness, resentment, fear, judgment of one's flaws, lack of trust....produce negative results ( stress, anger, fatigue, great anxiety and sadness.)

I am still a "work in progress" and I still try and take one day at a time and do my best. That is all any of us can do.

Everyone of us has fears,disappointments, joys, happiness,losses, gains all mixed up together and by sifting through what makes our day work, every moment in time is another opportunity to make the best of that day!

Thank you so much for sharing what I am sure took strength and courage to be able to do. However, you expressed it so well as you do in everything you write.

It is only human for one to want praise for something "well done" and so many people don't know how to give praise.

You have written with honesty and friendship and look how far you have come and how much you have already accomplished by reaching out for help when you needed it. Then you worked on your weight and another successful story there!

Keep writing, drawing, blogging, laughing, enjoying, working out, eating healthy and thinking how worthwhile your life is. It IS! There is only one David Steele and you possess your own unique talents. Everyone does. We all matter. We can gain strength from one another by sharing.

"Everyone has inside him a piece of good news. The good news is that you don't know how great you can be! How much you can love! What you can accomplish! And what your potential is!" Anne Frank

[Annan]

I've been a thin person most of my life. After I gave birth to my daughter I never lost the weight I had gained. I blamed it in hormones. One day a friend of mine said that her weight is her security blanket. What the heck?? I evenutally came to understand what she meant. I have always felt ugly even though I am constantly told I am beautiful. My parents told me that I was no good and would never amount to anything. One day it all caught up with me. Being overweight made me unattractive to myself. No one would ever want fat old me therefore no one could ever hurt me or expect anything from me. Now insane is that?!

Fortunately I met a new group of people who accept me as I am and taught me that I am perfect and beautiful just the way I am. My joy and happiness and acceptance of myself has allowed me to shed the emotional baggage I have been carrying with me and to burst into life like never before. Acceptance of myself as a valued and respected person has fueled my desire to be healthy mind, body, and soul... as I deserve to be. I no longer live in a dark, dreary world, but in a world of light and joy. Just losing a few pounds has jump started my life and further fuels my happiness and joy. I made a few mistakes in my weight loss journey so far... I know I have just gotten started... but in the many times I have tried to loose weight before, if I messed up or "failed", I would throw in the towel and give up. Not this time! I simply started over. No one is perfect. No one does everything exactly right all of the time.

Tomorrow is not a new day... tomorrow is today... a new minute, a new moment, a new me each and every second I live and breathe.

Just a note... I am a New Ager and have been exploring past life regression. Several of my past lives have given me wonderful insights on the emotional baggage I have been carrying with me. Acknowledging my pain and grievances and resentments and learning to forgive has set me free. I sit here beaming from ear to ear as I write this. Who knew I could ever be the woman I am today and the woman I am becoming... confident and accepting of self.

[benshad61]

Thanks for sharing Annan. Resentments and past grievances are entirely incompatible with success. When a deep injury is done to us as was done to you by your parents saying cruel things to you and hurting your heart, that is definitely emotional baggage and hard to discard when you are a child.

Now you are grown, are surrounded by the people who accept and love you for who you are. You will recover because you have learned to "forgive." As Oscar Wilde said:" Always forgive your enemies- nothing annoys them so much!!"

Keep on keeping on and if you fall down, get right back up. If you stay down, you are defeated, there is strength in the "getting up again" and starting from there!

We all make mistakes. We are human!

[FlorayG]

Wow, guys. I feel like I'm the only one having an easy ride here - I'm just trying to lose weight...