Tril's Trail To Thin

[loser lady]

Get out of the way, you two! I'm 49 and pushing 50. Other than the fact that a growing majority of people don't know my cultural references (when I say that with long hair I look like Cass Elliot these days very few people get the joke) I'd much rather have my age and the things I've known than be less than 30 and not have that background! Given the choice, I wouldn't have missed the 70's for anything!

Somebody play Freebird!!

LL

[Tril]

I couldn't carry a tune if you put it on a platter... but here you go:

If I leave here tomorrow
Would you still remember me?
For I must be travelling on, now,
'Cause there's too many places I've got to see.
But, if I stayed here with you, girl,
Things just couldn't be the same.
'Cause I'm as free as a bird now,
And this bird you can not change.
Lord knows, I can't change.

Bye, bye, its been a sweet love.
Though this feeling I can't change.
But please don't take it badly,
'Cause Lord knows I'm to blame.
But, if I stayed here with you girl,
Things just couldn't be the same.
Cause I'm as free as a bird now,
And this bird you'll never change.
And this bird you can not change.
Lord knows, I can't change.
Lord help me, I can't change.

Tril

[Nik@Night]

Love me some Freebird!!!

Nik

[Tril]

Day 178, wt 127.5. Don't know where the ½ came from, but oh well. I'll deal with it. I talked to my walking buddy and she's ready to start walking again. She sprained her ankle and it took a while to heal. She's "stuck" at 204 and is ready to make the sprint to ONEderland. I want to help her. She started over 300#... I think hitting the ONE's is going to be life changing for her and I want to be part of it!!!

I'm off for a dog walk... and then I'm going out to finish up my Xmas shopping. If I can. If I only had SOME IDEA what to get it would help. This aimless wandering through store after store is wasting time. It should take 4 hours to find one gift. Sigh...

Since I share most everything here, I'm going vent for a minute. OK? Good. Thanks in advance. DS#2 has announced that he wants to change majors. Our reaction? Fine. What to? We always said, find what YOU like. If you get into something, discover it doesn't inspire or motivate you... change. Don't go through life wishing you'd done something different (I've often wished I'd gone into nursing... or followed my first choice, physical therapy... but instead I went for teaching). Well, he wants to take business. So after saying, change... we're like, BUSINESS??? WHY?? This kid has a physical disability called disgraphia. It's the inability to create symbols from sound. Think about that. Sound to symbol... that's hearing a letter (or NUMBER) and making a symbol (writing) for that sound. Yeah, writing. He uses a computer for everything. He can remember where the letters are, and what they are, but he can't easily "see" them in his head and reproduce them on paper. It's the formation of the letters that escapes him. He has about a two minute limit on pen/paper writing before it gives out. His handwriting is about that of a mid year first grader. He even took his SATs on a computer... which is virtually unheard of.

So... now he wants to go into something that will tie him to a desk?!? It begs the question... WHY?!?

Well, come to find out (there's ALWAYS more to the story when you're dealing with a teenager) his best bud is going to transfer to my son's school (he doesn't like being out of state, paying super high tuition, etc) and will take business courses. Now get this... they want to go into business together. And open a "lounge". When they get their 2 year degree/certificate his friend won't even be legal. I'm doing a LOT of this lately... . And losing sleep. BUT, this is his gig... and he'll learn the lessons along the way that he doesn't want to hear about now.

I just wish it wasn't going to cost so much for him to learn it the hard way. Time, MONEY, self esteem, friendships... all at risk. I'm heartsick.

Tril

[loser lady]

Dear Tril, I can relate. My DSS has great math skills, not so hot language skills. His bio mom was hoping he'd major in accounting, I though engineering would be more suited for his personality. Half way through he announces he wants to be a communications major. (!) (He found he like the communications group of students best, I think). Well, despite some weeping, wailing and gnashing of teeth, we all got through it and he's happy - driving a TV Satellite Truck. (Like the Dead say, "What a long, strange journey it's been)

Has he taken any business courses yet? A course or two learning about FIFO, balance sheets and cost analysis might open his eyes, so to speak. And if he can't work in a "lounge" yet (I'm assuming bar/club) is a part time job/unpaid internship in a cafe possible? Many of the same principles are involved and he'll find out if he's still in love with business at the end of the day.

I didn't know you wanted to go into PT but I would say that suits you. If you still want it, you can take classes you know. Me, I wanted to be an editor or theatre critic, I run a law office instead. Life is weird.

[Tril]

No... no business classes yet. He's only in his first semester of a program called Electrical Engineering Technologies. The drafting class really bummed him out. He couldn't do the drawings (obviously!!!). So he ended up dropping that class and started the process of seeing if the school would accept a CAD course instead. But now... business?? He says he wants to stay in school... so that's good. I guess as long as he's in school, taking classes... he's maturing and learning. I'd be way more upset if he had gone out of state and to an expensive school and done this. At least it's a community college. There I go again, rolling my eyes. LOL One thing I keep telling myself... he'll figure it out eventually. He has time... he could (and probably will) change his mind again. I have a feeling, though, that he's going to have to get out and work to discover that he needs a skill that pays... and has benefits. Why does this have to be so hard?!?

Tril

[batlou]

I would not sweat him going to business school. Your undergrad serves only to get your foot in the door anymore anyway. If he has trouble writing then business might be perfect. I am IT Operations Manager at my company and although I have notepads and sticky notes, etc. I am rarely without a PC, including meetings. I carry my laptop to all of my meetings so that I am never without information. I don't have time nor do I wish to transpose notes from paper it just makes more sense to tote it around.

BTW...Nice job getting and staying around the 127. I know you were stuck at 130ish for a long time so it's nice to see that you are finally over the hump.

[pandamonium]

Tril,

I changed my major so many times in college. I went, had no idea - was a philosophy, psych, english, business, and finally, accounting major. lol. I spent well over 35 thousand dollars in three years, (mostlyloans) and now I'm maxed out and am out in the working world until I can afford to go back. I learned so much about myself being in college, it was incredible. I'm learning even more now that I'm out on my own in the working world. I have a lot of friends that went to college on mom and dads money, dropped out and are now living at home with their parents, doing nothing with their lives. And then theres me, who wants to be there so badly, and I'm stuck in paying back theseloans and working my arse off so that I can go back. I feel like I a lot of people in college take it for granted and the ones who want to be there, who want to learn - they are the ones who will ultimately get the most out of this whole experience. It's great that your son really wants to be there. That's a big deal! And he's learning different things? Also great. It's such a learning experience, and certainly a time for maturing. I wish him luck in his search! It's fun(and expensive!)- and once you figure out what you have a passion for and want to study - it's a really unbelievable feeling.

(yes I am passionate about accounting, lol - what can I say, I'm a boring kind of gal)

[Tril]

"Your undergrad serves only to get your foot in the door anymore anyway."

I agree... and unfortunately, for him, this is a community college two year program. It's not even an undergrad degree. BUT, if he likes it, he can transfer to any of our state universities, go two more years and have his undergrad.

Panda, thanks for your perspective. We're helping him with college costs but expecting him to pay as well. Our goal, with both kids, is to get them through college without any students loans. Right now ds#1 has a small loan, which he used to buy a rattle-trap truck to get to his summer internship... which paid for his living expenses for this school year. He's fortunate, he has a full tuition scholarship. We're fortunate he has one, too! lol

I know, in the end, it will all work out. But you hate to see one of your kids struggle... ya know?

Tril

[Tril]

"BTW...Nice job getting and staying around the 127."

I almost forgot to say THANKS!!!!

[FlutterEyes]

Boy oh boy, Tril... I just spent the last half hour reading about your struggles and progress this year. Thank you for taking the time to write about your moments of up and down.

I'm ready to wrangle with those last 30 lbs. and you've inspired me to be kinder to myself and more generous with my self-expectations. Losing weight is HARD and keeping it off just as difficult. Time for me to put down the big stick and stop beating myself up when I screw up. Time to see my weight as a life-long process of striving to be healthier rather than as a measure of my value as a human being.

Thank you for inspiring me... and congratulations on your weight loss and on the insight that you've gleaned along the way. Please keep sharing. I'm hanging on your words here.

[loser lady]

Okay, he's in his first year, he's got a batch of basics to take anyway so a business class or two is not jumping off the Empire State Building. Since he had such trouble with the drafting class, the business idea may have seemed like a rescue from what he's having trouble with now.

I'm like Panda, I rode the major merry-go-round for years agonizing that whatever decision I made would "rule my whole life". (BTW, Panda, I don't think accounting's boring but I do think it appeals to folks with very organized minds which neither my DSS nor I have). Well, you know how that worked out. Actually, if they had just allowed "Dorm Life" to be a major I'd have graduated on-time and Cum Laude!

What is the kid passionate about? One of my favorite writers said "If you can get your grits and your gravy doin' somethin you love, that's everything" (paraphrase). My DSS found his when he went to work at the campus radio station. And yes, I know you hate to see your kids struggle. Now I know how my folks felt.

Take care

LL

[Tril]

"Time for me to put down the big stick and stop beating myself up when I screw up. Time to see my weight as a life-long process of striving to be healthier rather than as a measure of my value as a human being. "

Flutter... well said!!! If you got all that from something I said, I'm impressed! But it's true... treat yourself like your own best friend, with love, kindness and compassion. And never, ever equate the number on a scale with your self worth. Ever.

LL... yes, he's a Freshman. But in a two year school. There aren't electives or basic classes he can take while he figures things out. Each course has 4 semesters of classes specific to the degree or certificate being earned, each semester must be taken in order as written. What he took this semester won't apply to anything else he might take. Each semester there is like a whole year in a 4 yr degree. It frustrating to me when I think of the $ wasted. And I do consider it wasted... I worked almost a whole year to save that much so he wouldn't have any loans. Now he's just tossing it away and starting over. And I'm not even sure why... except his friend wants to go there and take business classes and they have this pipe dream of owning a bar together. Oh gee, honey... sure, I'll cough up another 15 grand so you can OPEN A BAR. Uh... hello... I don't think so. Can you hear me now?... GET A LOAN!

Great, now I'm getting pissed.

Tril

[FlutterEyes]

What I got from this thread is that you very very much want to weigh 118 again. You're working your butt off to get there. But your progress frustrates you at times and you become disappointed in yourself. Yet you persevere.

That's what is inspiring to me. Where I usually fail when I'm losing weight is after I've lost a bunch and the weight loss slows down. I haven't believed in myself enough to shoot for the number I really want to weigh. I settle for part-ways there and then get discouraged and start to eat in frustration.

Observing your journey on this thread has helped me to see that I'm like everyone else who is losing weight. Only some persevere all the way to their goal... and even then it's a lifelong struggle to maintain that weight.

Thank you for being so emotionally honest in your posts.

[Tril]

Thanks, Flutter! After 40 years of fighting with my weight, I've managed to learn a few truths. One of them is you can't quit. Another is you have to be determined. I'm the little engine that could... I think I can, I think I can, I think I can. Which reminds me of another truth... if you think you can you will, and if you think you can't, you're right.

Tril